In the spirit of friendship, we would like to call something to everyone’s attention today. It’s not pretty. It’s the issue of gossip and slander.

In the horse world, many trainers, riders, and business owners rely on word-of-mouth marketing. As small business owners in an industry that struggles to actually show net income for our efforts, most of us don’t have the marketing budgets to compete with the big guys for “eyeballs” on our content. Whether that’s Instagram, Facebook, GoogleAds, or the local newspaper, we’re too busy trying to figure out how to pay our hay bill to think about spending our precious cash on advertising.

In many cases, our local business community is where we do most of our marketing. Tack and feed stores, local FB groups, shows, and discipline-specific events are our opportunities to attract new customers. While it’s nice for us to operate among other small businesses in our niche, there can be competitiveness among us. That is a GOOD thing. But, I often see trainers and farm owners confusing pettiness for competitiveness. This shows up in the form of gossip and slander.

Slander is the legal term for making false and damaging statements about someone. For example, “I won’t buy a horse from Jumpin’ Jane; she sells lame horses.” Or, “Galloping Gail teaches her riders to do dangerous things.”

These statements are not only illegal, they are hurtful to the small business owner’s reputation, brand, and ability to earn an income. It is troubling to hear folks say things like this, especially when they have no regard for the impact their words can have on a small, equestrian business.

If you have a conflict with a horse professional, I beg you to think carefully before you let your emotions speak for you.

Anger and resentment are difficult emotions to contain. They want to escape the uncomfortable bubble of tension they create inside of us, and they literally lay in wait for an opportunity to escape from our lips to the ears of another; releasing us of the discomfort, but sadly, infecting someone else.

???? If you have not experienced the truth of what you say first-hand, then you cannot know for sure if it is TRUE.

❤️ If you know without a shadow of a doubt that what you are about to say is, indeed, true, ask yourself if it is KIND. The horse world is a small one. We need more kindness. You can do something about that.

???? If you determine that what you are about to say is not kind, then please be prepared to defend its NECESSITY.

Yes, it’s true that we hurt each other, make mistakes, can be greedy, careless, angry, desperate, and petty. But what are we as Equestrians if we are not thinking about working on ourselves as much as we think about working on our horses?

Before you speak ill of others, try this:

???? Be aware of the tension, heat, pain in your core or your chest. That’s your internal alert that something dark is bubbling up in you.

???? Observe the negative emotion and acknowledge it. Don’t justify it. That’s just your ego calling. Simply acknowledge it.

???? Ask yourself if sharing this negativity is kind or necessary. What will it get you besides temporary relief from the discomfort in your core?

???? Try to remember a time when *you* also were ignorant, careless, greedy, or desperate. And finally,

⚖️ Decide to speak up or keep quiet. Go with what is *fair*.

(Speaking up against cruelty, abuse, and bullying is ALWAYS fair.)

I promise you that the tension in your chest WILL subside. The anger, the heat, and the negativity passes. It just passes more quickly when you can replace it with empathy.

And don’t worry if you mess up or if this self-restraint is hard. Just keep trying. As with all things, the more you practice, the better you will get a it.

There are many of us horse-loving folks with different ideas and values, but that doesn’t mean we have to live with constant conflict. We can do better. We can be friends. -HgH